Home » “Accountability” in Vegas w/Ms. Dana Kane

“Accountability” in Vegas w/Ms. Dana Kane

I have decided that I would write a post about my upcoming trip to Vegas. As some of you might already know, in a few weeks I will be visiting Ms. Dana Kane. We will be doing some filming based on a variety of different themes. While there will be some light-hearted content and role-play scenarios – our filming schedule is not going to be based solely on these areas.

As it is never a bad idea to come up with new and unique content, Dana suggested that we do a couple of segments of a” therapeutic” nature and address some real-life accountability issues. This will be a good way to demonstrate to playmates, clients, submissives, etc., what the process would be like if someone were to come to see her for behaviors that they themselves can identify and label problematic.

There are two reasons why a person would want to experience a spanking for infractions that occur in their ever-day lives. They are either seeking to relieve themselves of the guilt that comes with the consequences of their behaviors, and once they are spanked that is the end of it… until of course, it happens again. Or they want to explore how spanking can help them to control or eradicate areas in their lives that are causing problems – either for themselves, the people they work with, the people they are intimate with and so on. Sometimes, it’s a combination.

Accountability can be included and explored in role-play sessions or moderately serious discipline sessions if the person is not ready for a full commitment to change. Some people aren’t. They prefer to seek out the fantasy for an hour or two – to imagine what it would be like if they were indeed ready, without the ball-and-chain of obligation to make the effort to really modify their behavior (at least a little) by their next visit with their disciplinarian.

For others it might be necessary to go outside of one’s comfort zone if the expectation is to receive discipline or punishment for the sake of behavior modification, where at the very least the outcome would be a mild deal of discomfort both emotionally and physically. At the very worst there would be a good deal of genuinely unpleasant consequences (catered to the individual’s dislikes) to be endured for the sake of achieving the goals one does not have the self-discipline to achieve him or herself.

Dana and I have a pre-existing relationship, and we are friends. We are not in any lifestyle D/s relationship and she is not responsible for disciplining or punishing me. However, she does have the authority to transport herself into disciplinarian mode if she feels like it because I am prompting her with behaviors that we both know are not entirely acceptable. This was pretty much implied/arranged when we first met. For various reasons, she has never punished me for anything I have done in my daily life that perhaps I shouldn’t have. There was never a need for that. If any misbehavior occurs while we are spending time together, which happened on only one occasion, she will not hesitate to discipline if she has been pushed a little too far. She doesn’t typically get angry from what I have seen, but she knows how to make a spanking uncomfortable.

To the point: For the sake of experimentation, Dana and I have decided to pick out some problem areas that have been and/or continue to be a problem in my personal life. We are going to film a couple of scenes that will act as “therapy” sessions with honest unscripted dialogue discussing the behavior and at some point implementing consequences that, naturally, will include spanking. Because this is going to be a demonstration of what it is like to be accountable for some offense – it didn’t seem natural enough for me to go to Vegas and start speaking about only general topics. I am sure there will be much of that included, but it was my personal feeling that giving specific behaviors priority would legitimize the experience and not make me feel like I have to do any acting.

I thought it might be an interesting idea to keep track of my behaviors from the time I had this discussion with Dana until the time that I see her, and truthfully report them back to her by sending her a daily e-mail during this period. That way, neither one of us loses track. Also, if I were to do something particularly undesirable, I feel more pressured to admit it if I know there’s a deadline before it becomes considered an outright lie or a lie by omission.

We have come up with several specific somewhat problematic behaviors that will be addressed and dealt with in a number of sessions that includes much more dialogue than you would see in a typical spanking video, but there will most definitely be a lot of spanking. For those of you who are interested in real-life discipline as opposed to role-play scenarios, this will likely capture your attention. There will be real punishment and I anticipate that some of it will be (necessarily) discomforting and painful (in a not-entirely-enjoyable) way.

I have fully consented to this and have a genuine curiosity regarding the nature of this interaction with her. Because we have never officially interacted in this way, it will be a new experience for me, and her… although I am sure she is not anywhere near feeling the type of anxiety I am feeling.

I also like the idea in general and how it will be able to express to our audience what might be a new concept to them. Often times there are people who fantasize and feel they need the opportunity not just to be absolved or punished, but also to talk. Some people out there (myself once being one of them) did not realize there was an option for this.

Disciplinarians who specialize in spanking and strictly domestic punishments are recently getting a little more notoriety in the scene, but it is a much less recognized dynamic in the BDSM-D/s community overall. Many people seeking this experience will settle for seeing a dominatrix and not have their needs met. If you happen to find a knowledgeable, intuitive, and invested Mistress who can adapt to the personality of disciplinarian while putting the dominatrix persona in the background for a while – consider yourself lucky. Don’t misunderstand me. They are out there, and most of you who have prior knowledge of my relationships will know that I know one or two. But in my opinion based on a number of years I have been involved in the BDSM scene professionally and as a lifestyle choice – I can honestly tell you there are not many of them.

This is not to say I have anything against dominatrices. I am quite fond of them, actually – the ones who perform their job well and most notably, those who have had claims over my submission. I happen to be one of those cases where I was unaware of the discipline minus dungeons and whips when I first embarked on my journey. I didn’t know any better at the time, but I am certainly not complaining.

In a way it has broadened my horizons and provided me with many amazing experiences.  I became fascinated and obsessed with the world of professional BDSM, which had the effect of bringing me into it as a lifestyle.  However, over time the whole scene becamse less enchanting due to the influx of disingenous dominatrices.  Not to mention the even bigger blow – becoming saddled with disappointment learning the truth about some people who believe they have claim over the entire industry because they have been around awhile and specialize in something.  Guess what?  That only means that – you’ve been around awhile and specialize in something.  It in no way makes you a worthy Top, nor a worthy human being. 

Moving along – as it turned out and much to my surprise, it only took one genuine, skilled, mind-boggling beautiful and intelligent dominatrix to restore my interest and the risk that comes with being re-exposed to an industry that had jaded me.  She is one of those who can authentically adopt the role you need her to and will do so with much compassion – without making you feel rushed, insignificent or misunderstood.  And then she will punish you appropriately with a skill you would not expect from someone so stunning, who speaks so seductively it entrances you and who has such delicate hands that at first glance you would not believe them capable of doing you any damage.  You would be wrong.  And if you were like me, you would realize that you were wrong.  And you will have found happiness in the fact that you were mistaken.  I, however, consider myself fortunate.

I hope others will be able to say the same.   If you meet a professional dominatrix who can do this for you, good for you. If not, it is your best bet to do a google search on professional disciplinarians in your area – or simply wait until Dana comes to a city near you! Since there are not very many of them, it is more probable you will find someone who does have a sincere interest – although I have read over some sites that displeased me. You can tell much from the way a person portrays her attitude through her writing. I am happy to say that Ms. Dana Kane is one of those who has a genuine love for the art of professional and lifestyle discipline. This is why I am willing to lend myself to her in this way without the fear that my emotional/mental/physical being will be in any way compromised. I have enough faith in her ability based on my interaction with her as a friend and as a Top to trust her with this kind of scenario.

My anxiety stems only from having to encounter real discipline. This means my participation is more limited in terms of discussing what she should avoid doing to me because I don’t like it or it causes me too much physical or psychological discomfort – which we always do prior to role-play videos. And if I had to do something for the sake of the video that I wasn’t thrilled about, she found a way to make it endurable and often fun. Clearly, this will not be her primary concern during these scenes.

She does know what makes me uncomfortable, what implements I dislike, where it hurts the most, what makes me feel the most vulnerable, etc. (because I at one point was made to disclose this to her). And I’m sure she will expect me to remind her for the sake of keeping this as real as we can – and adding to the psychological dimensions of what one might expect mentally prior to being disciplined and/or punished.

From what I was told, part of the “talk-therapy” will entail dialogue regarding these things, followed by their implementation. This will be particularly challenging for me and could end up in so many different ways I won’t even discuss it here. It’s simultaneously aversive and intriguing.

I have had serious discussions with Dana about certain things in “friend mode,” but I’ve never truly faced her with them while she was an acting disciplinarian. The one time I remember when I thought I was going to be seriously punished by her in NY – I remember her having me sit down in a chair while she sat on the raised bondage bed, making me feel like I was being swallowed alive. Her tone was stern and mildly confrontational but there was a gentleness about it, and an obviously vested interest I could see in her eyes so I quite immediately understood she was not just pretending to care. Despite this being the case (or perhaps because of it), I was so affected that if I thought there was any chance I could get away from her, I probably would have. So it should be extremely interesting to see what happens here.

There are some other scenes we are doing that I am pretty confident I am going to enjoy, but I don’t think these other spankings are going to be enjoyable. That just follows logic. They are not meant to be and the effects of any discipline or punishment would be lost if there were. Spankers and spankees both know this – so it takes a crafty Top to be able to punish someone who likes spanking with a spanking. I only know one other person who can achieve this, with me in particular.

Spanking someone as a punishment when they happen to be quite fond of spanking doesn’t necessarily have to include massive amounts of pain to achieve massive amounts of discomfort. From experience, while pain is necessarily a factor, for me it ends up being more about the psychology, the positions, the implements, the serious attitude of the spanker, the tone of voice and the vocabulary.

I was once caught up in a situation where a Mistress locked me over her knee, while I was fully clothed and smacked me twice because we were in a place where noise was an issue. I don’t know if she was trying to figure out what to otherwise do with me, or if she sensed how uncomfortable I was and knew that she was punishing me – but she kept me over her knee for what seemed like an eternity. Just being in that position, even having my clothes on and knowing I wouldn’t be hit again – felt extremely dreadful. There was a god-awful level of humiliation involved even though she spoke no words for a while. I was squirming and sweating and tears were freely falling down my face, and I was not struck more than those two times – so pain was pretty much not even a factor in this case.

Another time she was unpleased with my behavior and had me stand in the corner holding the belt and told me that if my attitude hadn’t adjusted itself by the time she came back that she would use it to adjust it for me. Just holding the belt in my hands, in fear and trembling, was enough to correct my behavior – due to my inexplicable phobia of belts. She did not have to use it on me that night. And I did not miss it. Although I think she might have been a little shocked with the success of her own psychological tactic as I really don’t think she believed that was enough to “fix” me within mere minutes.

So, that’s the point readers: It’s not all about the pain. At least not if you are being disciplined by someone who really understands the concept of discipline and punishment. What is particularly punishing to one may not be to another, and good Tops will get that and know how to manipulate you with it. It’s not just us bottoms that do all the manipulating…

 

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