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Non-corporal Punishment(s)

Recently I’ve been thinking about non-corporal punishments, given that domestic discipline must usually go beyond spanking alone in certain, special circumstances.  It might be the case where spanking is not enough of a detterent to stop the unwanted behavior, or where a spanking might actually act as positive reinforcement and encourage the behavior the Top is wishing to suppress in her bottom. There is an even greater truth to this if the bottom  happens to be a genuine spanko and at any given time might go to great lengths to earn the specific kind of attention spanking affords.  There are some bottoms who will do this relentlessly at the physical and psychological expensive of his or her Top (and also, his or herself). And while I am sure that I have behaved poorly on numerous occasions to earn any kind of attention that I could, especially spanking, I am cautious about boundaries. I have come to understand that if I am asking for a spanking in a inappropriate way and that my wish is granted – it will probably be very painful (either producing an undersirable level of discomfort and/or humiliation) and regrettable.

While there have been some instances of this personally, there are many other times where I have behaved poorly for the opposite reason, simply because I thought I would be able to get away with it without getting a spanking.  It was more of a challenge to see how far I could manipulate my Top and to what extent reverse psychology can aid in the manipulation process. This is part of what makes me a rather paradoxical character because if I recieve a spanking as a result of pushing limits just because I wanted to see how far I could go before consequences ensued – I will get very upset and enter “tantrum territory.” 

Onthe rare occassion that I end up getting spanked because I do everything within my power to purposely earn it, it usually does not turn out in reality the way I believe it will turn out in my mind (if you need to see the proof of this, please refer to the somewhat infamous Delrin punishment below, if you haven’t already):

 

A competent Disciplinarian will understand the underlying motivation for her bottom’s actions and behaviors and therefore make the spanking as unpleasant as possible and occassionally throw in some additional punishment to drive the point home – whether that includes humiliation, more severe degrees of pain or specific implements most punishing to her bottom, personally uncomfortable positions, restriction of privileges, mouth-soaping, scoldings, cornertime, writing lines or accountability reports, etc. As a person that thoroughly enjoy spanking, I have found that it is disturbingly easy for a good Top to manipulate the spanking experience so that there is no way for me to feel anything but punished. This is the kind of punishment that particularly works for me due to several psychological factors and personal preference. I can modify my behavior based on spanking alone and I happen to have a Top who is very attuned to how to achieve this.ralphie

This does not mean that spanking is the end-all be-all for every punishment for me, and I have a feeling that at the very least punishment spankings might soon be supplemented with some form of non-corporal punishment when I break rules or otherwise misbehave. I see the logic in this and absolutely accept it as a valid means of discipline. Sometimes other methods are called for and sometimes other methods are necessary to accompany a spanking punishment – or to take its place entirely, at the discretion of the Top.    One punishment that I recently received was for a repeated offense: manipulating and cheating. While I don’t really mean any harm, I can’t seem to help myself from wanting to get over on Ms Dana when it comes to this.

I had come quite close several times but at the last minute decided to confess because I was feeling too guilty to proceed. The first time I did this, I got a private spanking. It wasn’t very intense, but I was more than fairly embarrassed and couldn’t even bring myself to pull my own pants down and had to have it done for me. It was not punishing enough however, to keep me from doing it again. The second time I repeated a similar offense,  the punishment was ignoring the behavior, which was unsettling to some degree but it most certainly not punishing enough to motivate me to cease and desist altogether. This third time that I committed a spin-off offense, in regard to cheating anyway, I was punished by being put in the corner at our private hotel suite in Atlantic City. I will admit that I was pretty mortified when Dana told me what the punishment was going to be and that there was nothing I could do to get out of it. At first she told me the punishment would be for an entire hour, which kind of made my skin crawl – but by the time she had decided to adminster the punishment, she reduced my sentence by 30 min.

corner

I walked to the corner feeling quite defeated and very sad. I tried very hard not to cry and within the first 5 minutes, I did not. I did panic, however. I really could not imagine standing in the corner for so long. I started counting the seconds and doing the math in my head and realized it was probably not a good idea to try to count several thousand seconds. I was fidgeting a little bit, but I didn’t dare complain or whine or request to get out of the punishment– as Dana informed me prior to the event, that if I were to do such a thing, the time would be extended. I was also worried that if I acted out that I would get a spanking, which in that state would have deeply mortified me and made me extra sensitive to pain. I considered misbheaving only as a manipulation tactic. I was thinking that if she thought I was behaving inappropriately to get a spanking, that surely she would not spank me. Maybe my complaining would irritate  her to the point where she would get fed up and just end the entire punishment. Then she would be the defeated one, and I did think that was a remote possibility. But I also thought of all the potential ways that could backfire and so the risk, in this case, did not outweigh the benefit. I remained in the corner saying as still as I possibly could so that she could see that I was being obedient. I really hoped she didn’t see me at all, which is why when she gave me the option of choosing which specific corner I wanted to stand in – I choose a remote corner that seemed to be the furthest away from her as I couldn’t bear the humiliation of her watching me. She allowed me to stay in the corner of my choosing and I don’t think she necessarily watched me like a hawk, but I’m sure she looked upon me every now and then to make sure I was behaving.lines

At one point I began to get particularly sensitive and I started to cry. I didn’t want her to see me crying and after a while I started painting the wall in front of me with the mascara that was bleeding down my face. from my burning eyes. (Yes, of course I washed it off the wall when I was done.) I guess that kept me entertained for a little while, until I ran out of the mascara of and eyeliner. Up until then I was drawing things like hearts and alien faces, drawing around some little bumpy nodules in the wall. I didn’t know if I was allowed to do this or not, but I wasn’t told to put my hands behind my back or stick my face entirely in the corner. The only thing I was told was not to resist and that I couldn’t sit in the corner in the chair, which I had requested. Dana said that I could not sit in the chair because I was being punished and it wasn’t about making me comfortable.

As the time went on, seeming pretty much like forever, I was crying heavily but silently. I had no mascara left and no eyeliner, but the tears were running down my face and my nose was leaking. I didn’t know if it was appropriate to ask for a tissue, so every now and then I had no choice but to wipe my face with my tee-shirt. This made me extremely embarrassed, which naturally did not help the crying.

When the time was up and Dana told me I was allowed to get out of the corner, I actually refused. Normally I would’ve refused in some kind of defiant hissy fit, but this time I refused because I didn’t want her to see me with the tear-stained face and wet shirt that I was forced to use as a substitute for a tissue. She let me stay in the corner but as soon as she went on to the balcony I ran into the other room curled into bed. I sent her a text message explaining to my embarrassment and she came in to get me and told me that she loved me and that I wasn’t in trouble more, and of course, that she was not mad. This made me cry even harder and she hugged me while repeatedly acknowledging how sensitive I was. I felt very regressed and was not sure how to cope with these feelings, but the moment passed. The punishment was over, and unless it is known that a punishment has multiple parts – once it’s over it is over and there are no hard feelings between us (well, there haven’t been yet.  I have been known to hold grudges over punishments, but thus far this has never happened with her).

At this point I am sure many of you are wondering if this punishment had any effect on me. It most certainly did have an effect on me. It was uncomfortable and embarrassing. It made me feel like a child. It made me consider that she could have actually spanked me and left me in the corner with my skirt up with a red bottom for half an hour, which would have been utterly horrifying. I was grateful that she did not do that but I was afraid to tell her so in case it might give her some ideas for future reference.

Now this will probably sound like I am being somewhat of a SAM (smart ass masochist – for those of you who are unfamiliar with the term) because I’m about to tell you that I don’t think this punishment was enough to keep these impulses at bay. I definitely felt punished all three times, all in different ways, for pretty much the same offense – but nothing has been so aversive that it makes me think too hard about never ever EVER doing this again. I know I have had bouts of being a brat on Twitter after the delrin punishment, but it is highly unlikely I will ever behave in exactly the way I did that earned me the delrin punishment in the first place. Or at least I haven’t for a remarkable amount of time and I have no desire to. That was some pretty extreme and unrelenting bratting. If I receive a warning now from Dana publicly or privately, I pretty much immediately stop. 

But there is good (borderline great) news – after being spanked somewhat severely for the real overspending punishments, I have realized that those consecutive punishments had a tremendous influence over my behavior. The lectures were definitely helpful, along with Dana’s compassionate nature and excellent advice on how to help myself. But I will have to honestly say that if I didn’t get those three spankings quite harshly, one after the other, that I might not be doing as well as I’m doing now. And I am doing well now. My habits have completely changed – so much so that it even amazes me at times. I truly feel that the corporal punishment and the meting out of genuinely strict spanking punishments really had the desired effect.  Thankfully she didn’t have to employ many other additional punishments – although I did have to write an accountability report once, which was rather unpleasant.  Other than that, I suffered no other form of corporal or non-corporal punishment and this is the first time I can honestly say that I am taking this all very seriously and making very decent progress.  I am still in that hole, but I can definitely see the light and have the motivation now, along with the tools and the support, to keep digging myself out. Maybe I’ll slide down a little bit every now and then because we can never be perfect all of the time – but I am determined never to see the bottom of that place again.

moneypit

2 Responses to “Non-corporal Punishment(s)”

  1. This was a very interesting post, a nice analysis of your ideas about and experience with punishment. Thanks for sharing!

  2. Pixieplays says:

    Hi Angel. Just wanted to say that I have only recently found your blog and that I am really enjoying it. It is great to find such thoughtful posts. Thank you for sharing 🙂

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