Home » Response to: Conversations w/Spankos Chapter 12

Response to: Conversations w/Spankos Chapter 12

FULL Response to Dana Kane’s Conversation with Spankos Chapter 12, which can be found here:


Interesting Topic that I’ve felt compelled to respond to, since half the spanking world now knows myself and The Very Bad Boy as the community’s most determined, sometimes blindly unaware, brats.  I’m not sure about TheVBB, but I don’t think I’d be going out on a limb to believe he shares some of the same philosophies that I do, although I do think he is somewhat more masochistic than I am.

Personally, I often act out (either in subtle or not-so-subtle ways) for attention, and it’s not just always “spanking attention.”  I feel that I have a self-conscious need to have my role recognized if I start to feel too comfortable around a Domme or Top whom I have a relationship with that goes a little beyond the level of friendship.  It’s often the case I need some kind of reassurance that someone is there to be in control, and that can be quite problematic because if I am not in a strictly personal D/s or DD relationship with this person, it might feel to them quite burdensome.  And I end up feeling guilty for pressuring one into such a position. 

Yet, that has never stopped me from exercising my compulsion to psychologically regress and demand this from them, partially because my experience and social skills (or lack thereof) cannot properly advise me how to interact with a Domme or Top (at least those who I would like to be topped by) in a non D/s way. It just doesn’t feel natural to me.  Sometimes being around a Domme or Top who does not express some kind of dominance makes me feel extremely uncomfortable and out of place, and I will often unconsciously (but sometimes consciously) modify my behavior to distract myself from this discomfort and elicit a response that lifts the anxiety.  This doesn’t necessarily mean the response needs to be a spanking, or even that a spanking is what I am seeking.  A settling response can be a spanking naturally – but it can also be a look, a gesture, a tone, a warning/scolding, being put in the corner, writing lines – anything really that has a “punishing” effect.  95% of the time there need not be a big production and I will respond to these methods and adjust my attitude accordingly.  Usually this means becoming very passive, sweet and adopting the attitude of being particularly pleasing in nature.  This is how I am generally, but sometimes that gets away from me.

Sometimes I will act out playfully for attention, which is usually within a Top’s capacity to embrace – even those not particularly tolerant of brattiness.  Sometimes I will push those boundaries to a limit but NOT cross it because I do fear genuine consequences, not only spanking consequences, but displeasing the Top consequences.  Other times I will become so emotionally vested in my own needs to exert my bratty independence (like the 3 year old child who will go up to a cake you’ve asked her not to touch and ever so slightly poke it with her finger right in front of your face with a very smug expression) that I lose sight of regard for any consequences and lose all touch with reality as an adult.  Then on the rare occasion, I will act out in completely oppositional defiance in some kind of monstrous emotional tantrum.  Never, however, let the reader know – will I disrespect a Domme or Top in any way such as lashing out and calling names or being grossly disrespectfully.  A good Top has little challenge taming my behavior. 

I would also like to address the fact that I find it completely and wholly unnatural to ask for a spanking.  I have done it before when there were no other options available or when I’ve felt particularly infused with guilt.  Physically, it gets the job done.  But psychologically and emotionally, it leaves me unsatisfied and with a lot of angst.  I can enjoy a spanking for no exacting reason: fun, sensual, playful, sexy, just because, consensual bratting, role-play, etc.  But if I need to feel truly within the care of a Top, it makes zero sense for me to ask for a spanking or any form of punishment, really.  It’s boring, does not fulfill any deeper needs, confuses me, make the experience not feel genuine, has no corrective value and I have no idea what it means for the Domme or Top.  Because so much of my spanking desire is rooted in that connection to my child-self, it’s counter-intuitive to be in that mindset and asked to be spanked.  Yes, Lisa Whelchel insisted that when her daughter was 2 and antagonized her babysitter, she literally cried out for correction and begged to be spanked because her infant/toddler mind had somehow recognized the need for discipline and she needed to be at peace with her little self.  Whether or not this is true, it doesn’t sit right with me.

For me, the brat person is not manufactured.  It’s been attached to me since toddler-hood.  Not that I was a bad baby or kid, but I did need to have my way and lack of discipline made it entirely possible to consistently get it.  Part of my need to be involved in a DD relationship is to re-live that in a constructive way.  There are levels to my misconduct as a classic brat, I’d say mostly it’s harmless, or at least somewhat innocent.  I honestly did not realize how limit testing my behavior was.  I was NOT asking for a spanking.  At the point it was occurring, I did not even know I would be seeing Dana and she is halfway across the country, so it’s hard to believe I actively trying to be misbehave to be spanked.
As for Dana, I find her to be an amazing Top and one who appreciates the Top/bottom dynamic, having a very acute understanding of the “limits to the relationship.”  She has a remarkably (uncommon and not easily fostered) tolerance to embrace misconduct, knowing full well she will have the upper hand when it’s said and done.  I respect her patience and her ability to remain firm without becoming angry and emotional at the expression of undesired behaviors from her playmates.  I very much admire the fact that she can administer a punishment and make it real for all parties involved.  Our genuine reactions when she was punishing me, I imagine, have a lot to do with the success of the video and why it has garnered so much interest, curiosity and attention.

Hope to do it again  – just not anytime soon! 😉




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