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The Importance of Not Taking Yourself too Seriously

Sometimes, regrettably so – those in this industry in positions (self-imposed or otherwise) of authority take themselves too seriously.  I have found this to be the rule, as opposed to the exception.  Some Tops believe too much in their power, in a way that (ironically) is not empowering.  One does not have to be a bitch to be dominant.  One does not have to hold back a smile, cast dismissive glances at anyone who passes by or generally treat other human beings as inferior (whether in the selective or general sense). 

This is one of my overall grievances with those involved in the scene, at least professionally.  I have come across some Dominatrices who really act like they are the embodiment of some Greek Goddess.  In most cases, it is undeserving.  And I can only conclude that some people survive in this business for a couple of reasons:

  • the general lack of understanding from people who wish to serve them who believe that this is how domination works – that they are supposed to pay a pretty woman to be treated like shit and to fuel her fantasy that she deserves it.  NOT.
  • Some provide non-BDSM services that are overwhelmingly tainting the scene and compromising the integrity of professional S&M
  • an strong and unsettling feeling of desperation on the parts of those seeking to have their needs met – but do not know the first thing about finding a genuine Top.  They settle.

I remind myself of being fortunate when I can interact with Tops and Dommes who understand the delicate balance of owning their titles without compromising the honor of the submissives/slaves/bottoms that they depend upon to hold up these halos above them.  Without the emotional labor of the slave, there is no Mistress. 

This is part of what turned me off from the scene, and why I am still very turned off – and extremely selective with whom I choose to interact with.  I have relationships with some amazing Tops and trust their references if they suggest working with others, but otherwise I tend to exercise extreme caution if I am ever solicited for work or otherwise.    

These Women I work/play/interact with are down-to-earth, beautiful, dominant, playful, secure in their roles, compassionate and intelligent.  I am very fortunate that in my life,  domination (although extremely serious) does not have to exclude all levity. 

Here is just a little doodle done by DN when I saw her last.  I bring her gifts – gummy sharks and magic markers and mega-sized-impossible-to-lose lighters, and she doesn’t scoff at that or demand a latex dress instead.  Rather, she does things like this – which endears me greatly to her, except when she makes me carry it around in my pocket with the constant threat I might have to take it out and show somebody 😉  If you know her, this will make perfect sense… I think. 

Thank you to all of the lifestyle and professional Tops/Dommes/Professional Dominatricres and all others who are the remaining glue keeping this industry and lifestyle genuine and something to take pride in. You should know who you are.

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