Home » Thoughts on age-play/regression & Ms. Dana Kane’s related POV’s

Thoughts on age-play/regression & Ms. Dana Kane’s related POV’s

Thoughts on age-play/regression & Ms. Dana Kane’s related POV’s

Part One:  I am putting it into two posts, for those of you who can’t stand reading extremely long posts.

Anyone who has known me for a while will know that I have heavily dabbled with age-play and regression, minus most of the physical aspects attributed to full-fledged infantilism. While things like diaper play and adult-sized playpens are certainly compatible with the fetish, it isn’t particularly alluring (to me).

If I had to describe an age where my psyche started to progress rather slowly in the developmental cycle – I would say probably 3 or 4. And this was not for lack of intelligence; rather I was emotionally stunted by certain traumas in my life. I entered the normal phases all children go through but with an ungodly determination not to. So for most of the age-related stages, I did move on but refused to let go of some of the childish ideas and emotional states that should have abated through the natural process of maturation. FAIL.

Thus, I have found that I have the un-killable components to my personality that often lend itself to age-play. Often through no conscious effort of my own (or sometimes conscious) I will regress to some sort of earlier version of myself. Emotional tantrums are common (although through the continual process of awareness and understanding, I am endlessly working on my psychological wellbeing to counteract them.) This is characteristic of the child of a younger age, while sometimes I appear to have the attitude of a clueless “tween,” to thankless teenager.  All mental states that lack something fundamental to being an adult.  But don’t misunderstand this.

Then there is the adult model of myself.  When she decides to stick around, she is quite mature, intelligent, rational, emotionally stable and unaware of any desire to be anything other than what she is – an adult.  She’s not always in the mood to stick around,.  But I do I see at lot more of her than I used to because this adult self has only recently achieved any success at separating from the core of its emotional existence. This was no accident and motivated solely by the unyielding devotion to another person. Any hope of a healthy relationship was contingent upon my willingness to achieve balance. I think I’m still just tipping the scales, but hopefully in the opposite direction.

Anyway, I am really only addressing this because of Ms. Dana Kane’s recent age-play POV’s and my wanting to share my thoughts on it and publicly stating that I was going to a couple of weeks ago. I was quite surprised when Dana put out those clips – not because I feel her incapable of any such role, but because I just didn’t expect to see her in it. My initial feelings were competing with each other for the alpha emotion to tell me what my reaction was supposed to be. Was I aroused? Intimidated? Horrified? Confused? Uncomfortable? Jealous? Mad? Well, yeah.

I decided (obviously for experimental purposes only 😉 to buy the clips. I am sure Dana would have sent them to me complementary had I told her I was going to review them, but whatever created me must have run out in the patience department when I arrived.  Because I have no patience, waiting was not an option.  So I bought the clips and honestly watched them in a trance-like state because her role as fed-up mommy was almost disturbingly convincing. I know (by the laws of physics that govern your body) that I could have stopped watching, except I really couldn’t. It really feels like you are there with her, the object of her motherly frustration and that if you walk away from her (or the computer) that something bad really will happen and you will really be in a lot of trouble, and maybe you’ll have to spend extra time in the corner, and maybe all your things are going to be thrown in the garbage that you didn’t pick up.  So yes. You can’t really turn away from your laptop or iPhone.

I have never experienced this personally, so it was fascinating to watch her in this maternal disciplinarian role; whenever we’ve played (which has never been in any heavy age-play mode), the one thing she never allowed from me was to divert my gaze anywhere other than her eyes. If I tried, which I almost always did, she would redirect me by gently putting a finger under my chin and tilting my head back. She has never pried my eyes open but she won’t let me keep them closed when she’s talking to me.  And I now I wonder if she would, as I just realized I haven’t fully exploited this strategy).  In all seriousness, in cases where the subject matter was particularly aversive to my constitution, it was something she wouldn’t let me avoid.

She didn’t tell me I had to agree with her, but I could see in her eyes the reflection of the truth that I didn’t want to hear. It’s an almost traumatic experience for the emotionally vulnerable. When her transfixing blue eyes confront you with something painful, it doesn’t quite seem to make sense that something so beautiful could hold you accountable to such sadness.

Yes, I am bordering on poetic here. But sometimes it helps me to communicate by dramatizing. And this is a fitting case, in which case mundane words are just not suitable. (This is only slightly off topic, by the way). For that reason alone, I really couldn’t turn away from the video.

Well, why would I want to? – you might be wondering, justifiably so. I guess because I was too easily identifying with her mommy persona and I was being psychologically regressed whether I wanted to or not. Sometimes I don’t like doing things I don’t want to do. Being that I couldn’t decide whether or not I wanted to watch it of my own conscious accord, there was a 50/50 chance that watching it might have upset me.

I knew the odds might be even higher that it would upset me given the fact that her POV’s tend to cater to men and some of their little boy alter egos. Very much to my surprise, that did not even interfere with me somehow embodying the spirit of this pretend boy-child as Dana was realistically acting out a make-believe punishment . Identifying with the child role in the general sense really overrode my own biases in regard to the “boy” part. There was about two seconds when I wanted to avoid the whole thing because I was mad the bad “girl” POV was completely absent, but then I realized that might stir an even greater emotional reaction that I wanted (want) to avoid.

In a nutshell, these were my initial feelings.

1. I was angry the clips were catered to her male bottoms/clients/viewers

2. I was horrified Dana was venturing into age-play – since we never had that in-depth discussion about its relevance in my life. This led me to feel insecure and exposed, both just feelings of paranoia.

3. I was intimidated by her tone and stern expressions

4. I was jealous of an imaginary being (yeah, try to beat that one crazies.  This does not apply to you if you happen to be one QuantumPhysica 😉

5. I was uncomfortable because I was psychologically and physically aroused and that always makes me want to crawl out of my own skin, literally.

And l was confused. With the “Step-Mommy Dearest” series, I was clearly playing the part of someone younger than myself, and not to a loving, nurturing,”I’ve had it to my boiling point, real” mommy. But not even I knew how old I was and either Dana didn’t know either, or she wouldn’t tell me. The brilliance of that tactic is that if you are imagining yourself as part of these scenes, you can really make yourself any age you want without being turned off by numbers. If you like to be 5 years old, you usually like to be 5, not 8 or 10 or 12. This is what I have heard anyway. And when people watch others they like to imagine them at the age they fantasize them to be.

Personally, I easily adapt to any age-state. Besides my intimate relationship with my “little” side, I have spent so much time around children and read so much about them behaviorally (I once had considered the child education field as a career) that I know what it’s like to act 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 and so on. Had Dana given me an age she expected me to act in relation to the scenes we were doing, whether it be 6 or 18 or anything in between – I would have been greatly afflicted by my perfectionist complex. I would have over-tried, not trusted my instincts, performed a quick google search behind her back on what a child this age <insert number here> is supposed to be. There was probably a great chance that had she set a particular number in stone that the whole series would have been compromised. But without that pressure I was able to naturally adjust to the scenes and I acted the age that felt appropriate, in my own mind. What she was thinking, I had no idea. It just worked well. But it did bring up some feelings of the (still-just-lingering-a-little) longing for the age-play that I had found such comfort in a couple of years ago.

Through the years a previous D/s partner (of a lifestyle, not professional, relationship) developed a very acute understanding of this and her reaction to me exceeded even my expectation. The shift of coming out of that so suddenly was a dramatic but necessary dive. I found myself dumbfounded and love-struck by a stunning professional dominatrix and the thought of being enslaved to her soon began to take over my life. After entering into and coming out of extreme bouts of depression – when this new desire overcame me, I was told by a close friend that my love, desire and adoration for this Mistress had somehow given me a purpose I couldn’t otherwise find within myself. And for that reason, I had to start to grow up.

And when confronted with age-play, I do not know how to feel now. When it is employed as part of a real life punishment tactic by an extremely meaningful person in your life (which apparently makes for great footage) – it is raw and humiliating and in the moment it feels like it’s something that can’t be endured. Until it’s over and she holds you in her arms and removes the damp hair from your forehead and with a gentle touch wipes away black-tinted tears. Then… anything is endurable.

I didn’t have real punishment experiences with Dana as we work together professionally and any time I’d ask for guidance in this way, I would (without fail) opt out of the experience in some way. The first time in NY I couldn’t convince her I didn’t want to go through with it, and since it was sanctioned by my Mistress at this particular time, I was stuck. Thankfully, it was not as serious as I had expected and I’m pretty sure there was a level of opting out she allowed me.

She only used her hand, but that made things terribly worse because that’s when I reach my peak of regression – and there’s really no telling what might happen then. This time I started to disassociate in “subspace,” but she thwarted my attempt by noticing and telling me I was not allowed to. This frustrated me to no end, but I have learned it’s never wise to attempt to express such sentiments when you are already over someone’s lap. It turned out to be a much needed experience and relieved me of the anxiety I was feeling over filming clips later that night. There were tears. There was trying to not look at her. There was also a finale of a terrifying wooden paddle that had me in “mercy” status after the first whack. Honestly. I took six “of the best” but I really do not know how. I don’t know what to make of it. Apparently, Ms. Dana Kane is selective when deciding to let you make the decision if you want to be punished or not.

Part TWO can be found here.

One Response to “Thoughts on age-play/regression & Ms. Dana Kane’s related POV’s”

  1. Interesting… 😀

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